Naruto Secret Keeper
by New Level Darkness
Summary: old work; M for language. Tobi just wants to impress his senpai. Unfortunately, it just gets Deidara in a bad mood when the orange masked marauder makes off with his best clay-digging shovel. Deidara must make it through the wilderness in order to get it


ugh, this is really old too. all of the characters (c) Masashi Kishimoto. the last paragraph doesn't belong to me, someone at wrote it, and i borrowed it for this story... don't hurt me :c

--

_Secret Keeper_

"Deidara-sempaaaaai!" called Tobi. "Sempai?" he had been looking for Deidara all over the Akatsuki Hideout, but to no avail. Maybe he was in another member's room?…

Tobi traveled out of the kitchen, past the living room, and into the dorm hallway. The nearest room bore a simple sign that was tacked to the door. It read:

"Uchiha Itachi

Hoshigaki Kisame"

Tobi doubted Deidara was in here, but he thought it wise to check anyway. Tobi knocked on the door and entered when a reluctant voice said "Come in".

Kisame was sitting on his bed, waxing his dark blue surfboard. Even though he never got the chance to use it, the shark ninja took good care of it.

Itachi stood by the window, watching Kisame in a bored manner. Kisame looked up from his work and inclined his head at Tobi, urging him to get on with it.

"I was wondering if Kisame-san or Itachi-san knows where Deidara-sempai is," Tobi told them. Itachi shifted his gaze to Tobi but remained impassive. Kisame stood up to hand his surfboard on its appropriate place on his wall.

"We haven't seen him since yesterday," he said, struggling to reach the highest spot on the wall, tall as he was. "I don't know where he went after he stormed off. Just because he got tired of losing; he couldn't even hold the controller right…" he began mumbling about Deidara's strategic errors in some video game.

Tobi quietly edged out of the room. Kisame and Itachi obviously weren't going to help him find his sempai. He knocked on the next door. There was nothing on this door except the name Zetsu carved in neat letters above the doorknob. When no one answered, Tobi knocked again. This time a faint voice resounded on the other side.

"Yes?"

"What do you want?"

"Zetsu-san?" Tobi said. "Do you know where Sempai is?"

"I don't," Zetsu said.

"Nor do I care,"

"Oh," Tobi replied. "Well thanks anyway,"

"You're welcome," Zetsu answered. Tobi hopped on to his own room and opened the door. No, Deidara wasn't here. Everything was just as Tobi had left it this morning. A small pot of flowers sat on his bedside table, along with a small lamp. The beige curtains blew in the wind that came through the open windows. Tobi's fluffy orange comforter was neatly laid on his bed, as was Deidara's yellow blanket on its separate bed. Sempai had not come to sleep in his room last night. Tobi was beginning to worry.

He closed his bedroom door securely and moved on to Hidan and Kakuzu's room. He curled his hand into a fist to knock on the door, but stopped when he heard peculiar sounds coming from inside. Tobi pressed his ear to the door. He could hear the usual hum of Kakuzu's sewing machine accompanied by what sounded like Hidan cursing. That was common too, but this time he sounded as if he was in pain. Tobi knocked on the door hesitantly.

"What the hell do you want?" Hidan's distorted voice came from inside.

"Do you know where--" Tobi began, but discontinued his sentence as Kakuzu opened the door.

"Hidan's busy," he said with a definite tone of irritation. "What do you wa--" Kakuzu was interrupted by Hidan's continuous outbursts.

Tobi leaned around Kakuzu to get a better look into the room. A strange, circular symbol was painted on the floor, with Hidan lying in the middle, his three tipped scythe piercing his chest.

"It hurts," he was moaning. "make it stop, Kakuzu, make it stop!" Kakuzu turned around, utterly annoyed.

"If I did, you'd just--" he began.

"Shut the fuck up!" Hidan screamed. "It hurts so good. Jashin-sama will smite you if you interrupt my fucking ritual!" Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at the steadily growing puddle of blood on the floor.

"I'm not cleaning that," he stated; but Hidan was too busy to notice. Tobi looked away from the blood soaked Hidan.

"Do you know where Deidara-sempai is?" he asked Kakuzu over Hidan's moans.

"He's in his workshop," the grumpy Falls Ninja replied. "Now go away," Kakuzu closed the door in Tobi's face, but that didn't damper his spirits; he knew where his sempai was.

Tobi ran back up the hallway, took a left, and went down the stairs that led to Deidara's underground work shop. He knocked on the cold, metal door and burst in before anyone on the other side could answer.

"Sempai?" Tobi called gleefully. Sure enough, Deidara was working on a giant clay bird. It was almost completed; Deidara was just adding the finishing touches. His head snapped in Tobi's direction and an expression of annoyance grew on his face like a fertilized weed.

"Sempai, have you been down here this whole time?" Tobi asked as he embraced his sempai in a hug, nearly knocking over the clay statue. Deidara quickly stabilized the creation with his free hand.

"Yeah, un," he said angrily. "and I've been working on this," he gestured toward the large bird. "it took me a week to finish so don't touch it, un,"

"Deidara-sempai, let's play a game!" Tobi suggested happily. Deidara was appalled at the very idea. He didn't want to play, he wanted to create!

"Um, Tobi," he said slowly, thinking up his excuse. "Will you do my a favor, un?"

"Of course, Sempai!" Tobi squeaked, eager to help out.

"Will you, um, go dig up some more clay for me, un?" Deidara asked. He didn't actually need more clay. It was just an excuse to get away from Tobi.

"Alright, Sempai, I'll treat it like an S-ranked mission," Tobi sped out of the workshop, accidentally toppling over Deidara's clay bird. It fell to the ground just after Tobi reached the top of the stairs. Deidara dropped to his knees in devastation.

Tobi was just about to head for the backyard when he realized that he needed a shovel. He didn't know where he could find one either… Wait, he had seen Hidan burying things in the backyard before. He probably had a shovel somewhere.

Tobi started in the direction of Hidan's room. When he got there, he knocked on the door and entered. Kakuzu was gone and Hidan was just removing his scythe from his chest. The amount of blood soaking his cloak had increased.

"What?" he said groggily.

"Do you have a shovel I could borrow?" Tobi asked as politely as he could.

"A shovel?" Hidan repeated quietly. "Sure I do, follow me," he pushed past Tobi and into the hall, dripping blood on the carpet wherever he went. Tobi followed him back down to Deidara's workshop, where he carefully opened the door. Deidara was still on the ground, mourning his loss.

"One whole week…" he mumbled. Hidan edged into the room, grabbed a shovel that had been leaning against the wall, and pulled it out of the workshop. He thrust it into Tobi's hands, dripping blood as he did so.

"But isn't this Sempai's special shovel?" Tobi asked tentatively, holding the said shovel as if it was made of gold.

"It's fine," Hidan consoled him. "I use it all the time," At that, Tobi warmed to the idea of using his beloved Sempai's shovel.

"Alright," Tobi said as he began climbing the stairs. "Thanks, Hidan-san!"

"No problem," Hidan said in a false cheery mood. "sucker," he sniggered before going back to his room to take a twenty minute shower.

Tobi skipped out to the backyard through the kitchen and then to the forest. Tobi would bring back as much clay as he could carry.

Meanwhile, Deidara had gotten over the loss of his statue. He stood up to leave his workshop; he was hungry and wanted-- wait. Where was his shovel? His only clay-digging shovel? Deidara adopted a furious expression when he was a trail of blood on the floor. No one bled excessively like that except Hidan. Deidara stormed out of his workshop and followed the trail to Hidan's room, prepared to make him bleed excessively all over again.

He slammed open the door and approached Hidan, fuming. Hidan remained sitting on his bed, unthreatened.

"I know you have my shovel, un," Deidara demanded with barely compressed anger. "Give it back,"

"I don't fucking have it!" Hidan countered angrily, slightly surprised that Deidara suspected him before Tobi.

"Yes you do!" Deidara said. He was getting very disgruntled. "Now give it back, un! I can self destruct!"

"And I'm immortal. Bring it," Deidara was at a loss for words. He had lost this verbal battle. He turned around defiantly to leave but Hidan stopped him.

"Tobi has it," Hidan said truthfully. Deidara gritted his teeth in exasperation.

"Figures that swirly bitch has it," he grumbled, all of his anger leaking out. He darted through the whole hideout, through the backyard, and into the forest. No way was he going to let Tobi use and possibly break his only shovel.

Tobi happily skipped through the forest. He passed a small spider sitting on a beautifully made web.

"Hello, spider-san!" Tobi greeted the little arachnid. A soft buzzing made him look up. A bee hive was hanging from a tree directly about him, the bees flying in and out.

"There must be flowers nearby," Tobi thought out loud. He continued through the forest, looking for just the right spot to dig in. Deidara-Sempai's clay had to be perfect.

There were many trees in the forest and they were all very large. Their roots jutted out of the ground. Tobi hopped over each one; he would make a game out of it.

Deidara was hopelessly lost. He had never been this far in the forest before and he felt as if he had been going in circles the entire time.

He stopped moving to catch his breath. When his breathing grew quieter, Deidara could hear a faint buzzing noise. He looked around and, to his dismay, saw the biggest beehive he had ever seen. God, he hated bees.

Deidara kept a constant eye on the hive as he moved onward. As he took another step, he felt soft strands cover his arm and half of his face. Deidara began to splutter as he tried to wipe off whatever had gotten on him but froze dead when he saw a spider crawling up his arm. He screamed bloody murder and began flailing, hoping that the spider would fall off.

"Dammit!" he cursed franticly. In his desperation to escape, his foot caught on a tree root. Deidara stumbled and landed in a nearby bush. "DAMMIT…"

Seizing the chance to relax, Deidara continued to lie there. He observed the leaves of the bush out of sheer boredom. The leaves were shiny and grew in groups of three. There were a few small yellow flowers as well.

A clear image of his shovel popped into his mind.

"I need to get my shovel back, un," Deidara mumbled angrily. He jumped up and brushed himself off. As soon as his hands made contact with his skin, he began itching furiously. It felt as if a million spiders were crawling all over him. He scratched himself fiercely but to no avail. He jerked his head in the direction of the bush he had landed in.

"Poison ivy?" Deidara muttered, scratching his arm. "Dammit," he continued to scratch himself insanely as he walked along the path. He came across another tree root and carefully stepped over it, scratching his neck. About a minute passed before he found another root, which he also avoided.

Deidara continued to evade roots while scratching in vain. He had passed the root about twenty times when he realized something was wrong.

"Dammit!" Deidara swore loudly. "Damn Itachi and his stupid Genjutsu! I can't believe I fell into one of his stupid traps," Scratching his back harder than necessary, he stomped on, this time actually falling over the root he had avoided so many times.

"Dammit!" he cursed again. Deidara made to get up but a shooting pain told him that he had sprained his ankle.

"Dammit…" he sighed. He reached for his clay pouch. If he couldn't walk, he could always fly. Deidara stuck his hand into the pouch expecting to find the soft welcoming feel of his clay. But instead he found nothing. He hadn't bothered to bring any clay with him on his unimportant expedition. No matter, he didn't have any chakra anyway. He had been running in circles this whole time. Deidara had no clay, no chakra, and his ankle was sprained. He was in a definite fix. Stubborn as he was, Deidara attempted to stand back up, only to fall flat on his face.

He was not happy. He was itchy as hell, hungry, tired, and his ankle hurt. He was pretty much useless. Deidara gritted his teeth in frustration; everything was so bad already, he was positive it couldn't get any worse.

"Sempai?!" Ok, apparently it could. Tobi rushed over to his sempai, evidently worried.

"Deidara-sempai," he said. "Are you ok?"

"No I'm not, un!" Deidara thundered, a lot less threatening than he wanted to be. "I got attacked by a man eating spider, fell in a bush of poison ivy, and sprained my ankle, un! And on top of that, I don't have any chakra or clay and I can't walk! I'm very far from ok, un!" Deidara took his time to catch his breath.

Tobi was honestly concerned. He had never seen his sempai so desperate.

Deidara's stomach growled. Immediately after, he felt himself being lifted off the ground. He was soon on Tobi's back, traveling back through the forest. Deidara was surprised that Tobi would go this far to take care of him. But he didn't like the idea of being taken care of by Tobi, of all people, at all.

Tobi glanced behind him; the little he could see of his Sempai's face was shadowed and angry. He shifted his sempai into a more secure position and under the orange mask his expression was gentle.

"Don't worry, Sempai," he said softly. "I can keep a secret,"

.end.


End file.
